12 juillet 2012

Paris Cinéma : le palmarès officieux !

Après l'annonce très officielle du palmarès de convention, voici les prix, les vrais, décernés par le Jury des Blogeurs et du Web. Ca tient un peu de la private joke si vous n'avez pas vu les films de la compétition, et pour les dotations nous n'avions pas un gros budget, parce que c'est la crise.

Néanmoins, proclamons.


prix du meilleur acteur animal dans un second rôle : le cochon de Just the wind, qui fait très bien le mort.
Okay, ça fait trop peur.
dotation : un grand plat argenté, un lit de salade et une pomme.

prix de l'instant wtf du festival : la fin Seigneur des Anneaux feat. Vol au-dessus d'un nid de coucous de Beyond the Hill
Quelque chose comme ça en effet.
dotation : une compilation K7 des plus belles musiques originales des films de Kusturica

prix du menu le plus alléchant : la langue de boeuf de A simple life
Il faut s'appeler Ann Hui pour rendre ce truc-là appétissant.
dotation : un portrait en pied chez Studio Harbourt

prix de la scène la plus castratrice/féministe/American Pie : le noyau d'avocat piégé de Rebelle
Quand on tape "avocat piégé" sur Google, on tombe sur DSK et Luca Rocco Magnotta.
Vous m'excuserez d'avoir privilégié les vertus apéritives de cette composition photographique.
dotation : un grand sac de tacos parce que c'est bon avec le guacamole

prix du camouflage le plus mortel : la peau de chèvre de Beyond the Hill
En effet, il est méconnaissable.
dotation : un décollement de racines chez Jack Dérange


prix de la sape trop classe : le costume de réparateur de climatiseurs d'Andy Lau dans A simple life
Ex aequo : le costume de réparateur de climatiseurs de Chris Beney le jour des délibérations
"Quarante ans d'éducation pour en arriver là."
dotations : une paire de lacets chacun + un puzzle de 1000 pièces à l'effigie de François Mitterrand

prix du meilleur maquillage à la truelle : les fantômes blancs de Rebelle
On SOURIT pour la photo !
dotations : un lot de nez de clown + un DVD de clips de Michael Jackson

prix du rire anxiogène : le chat zombie de King of Pigs
Je vous déconseille fortement de googler "chat zombie". 
dotation : une muselière et un ruban rose

prix du soulagement dans les bois : Just the Wind (petite commission seulement MAIS en plan rapproché)
Ex aequo : Beyond the Hill (petite ET grosse commission MAIS dissimulées par un buisson)
"Vous n'avez rien compris, c'est un message politique."
dotation : un rouleau de papier hygiénique triple épaisseur et un exemplaire dédicacé par le jury de Comment chier dans les bois

prix du torse humide : le beau gosse de Beyond the Hill
Grrrrrrrrrrrr...
dotation : une serviette éponge et le numéro de téléphone de Valérie Fred

prix de la touche sexy (paritaire et dans le texte)
Fred : Andy Lau qui "transpire le sexe climatisé"
Voilà.
Chris : "On voit un peu de nibards dans Tabou"
Je vous déconseille fortement de taper juste "Tabou" dans la barre de recherche. 
dotation : un climatiseur pour la demoiselle de Tabou et une paire de faux nibards pour Andy Lau (paritaire, on a dit)

prix du plus beau couvre-chef de la compèt : le petit chapeau mou d'Allen Fong, avec une mention spéciale pour l'éternel galurin de Leos Carax et la chose informe qui couvre la tête sympathique de Denis Lavant
Voilà.
L'année prochaine, on remet le bob à la mode.

dotation : une plume de coq bleue et un coup de brosse serviable

prix du film le plus moite : Tabou
Vous l'aurez compris, il y a avait dans cette sélection un certain nombre d'animaux angoissants.
dotation : un geste de la main affectueux bien qu'un tantinet distant

prix de la boisson exotique à rapporter de voyage : la sève hallucinogène de Rebelle
Le jury des blogeurs et du web reconnaît y avoir puisé sa féconde inspiration.
dotations : un shaker + une boîte de Fringles

prix du juré relou (décerné par Jérôme) : "Fred pour son programme et Noémie parce qu'elle le veut"
Ca n'a pas été facile tous les jours, mais nous y sommes arrivées.
dotation : une bonne fessée (grrrrrr)


la boisson officiel du Jury des Blogeurs et du Web : vodka-tonic
Le Jury des Blogeurs et du Web reconnaît y avoir entretenu sa féconde inspiration.
dotation : mon poids en biscuits d'apéro

notre mère à tous : Ivan  Drago
Ou comment déclencher une vague incontrôlable de candidatures pour le jury 2013
dotation : notre amour éternel, notre respect filial inconditionnel et un ex-voto en forme de sapin dans l'église Sainte Margotte de Parapluie-sur-Orge


Le Jury des Blogeurs et du Web remercie ses partenaires Emmaüs, Harbourt, Jack Dérange et Starducks, vous incite fortement à encenser Tabou, vous supplie de mettre un vent à Just the Wind (faciiiiile), et vous dit à l'année prochaine.

Noémie



28 commentaires:

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Excellente ton iconographie, tu as bien du t'amuser. Et finalement, la langue de boeuf, sans Miss Hui, ça va pas le faire. Je prends Andy, bisous, merci :)

noémie a dit…

Je crois qu'on est tous d'accord sur la langue de boeuf... Et je me suis bien amusée en effet. Bon Andy ! ;-)

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